Hermana Beck's Weekly Email - Adonai; the God Who Sees Me
I'm headed back to Iquique today! Our STLs are the ones who told us we were going to hear from Niel L. Anderson in Iquique, but there was a misunderstanding (niether of them speak English as their first language) ...we are hearing from someone in the quorum of the seventy named Elder Nielson, not Niel L. Anderson. It's a little bit funny.
Me and Marcelito are still strengthening friendships with the grandpas here and several others. Charles and his wife are going to take us on a tour of Arica next Monday! Eduardo wants to have us over for homemade lunch and to talk about the Gospel, which is a big deal because he's atheist (for now.) We also met an Evangelist woman named Patricia and we hit it off right away, she's 78 and a black belt in karate and also teaches ice skating and runs her own business and loves to talk Jesus. She taught us how to be better missionaries, and I was so starstruck by Patricia that when she invited me to go to the center of Arica (out of our zone boundary) for coffee and girl talk, I said yes. That's a problem for future Hermana Beck to sort out.
Every once in a while I have moments on my mission where I gain conciousness for a sec- like a "how the heck did I get here?" type of realization. Last week it was during lunch one day when it hit me. I am in a little apartment at the very top of Chile in South America, eating a jar of pickles while listening to a 30 minute speech from my companion (who doesn't speak English) about why it's problematic when indigenous Peruvian men marry their sisters.
....how the heck did I get here?
Then the moment passes and I'm back to enjoying my pickles as if this life is normal.
Speaking of existential crises, the other day I was reading a really good conference talk by Elder Bednar about Christ's Atonement, and something caught my attention. Throughout the talk, Elder Bednar reffered to Christ as the "Holy Messiah," "Lord," "Savior," and a handful of other names. I thought about how Christ has more names than anyone else I know, but no matter what you call Him, He's still Jesus. He has the same character no matter how you label Him.
I have several names too;
Hermana Beck
Gracie
Sister Beck
Grace (if you're my mom or Talmage)
CC
And others that I'm too prideful to put in this email for all to see.
It occurred to me that whatever name I'm being called these days does not change who I am. Sometimes I get so caught up in who I think Hermana Beck is/should be, I forget that I am still Gracie. I forget that I have all of the gifts, talents, strengths experiences, and qualities that Gracie has. Sometimes I feel far from her. Reading my patriarchal blessing helps me remember who I am. That I am not, and should not aim to be, a robot missionary without personality. I am still me, and God called me to serve here.
Yesterday I was reflecting on how our week had been. It was challenging. we had several days where it felt like we just got bashed all day long. I was told that I was stupid, ignorant, lost, damned, that I should be married with several kids by now (?), and that I didn't know what I'm doing here. And if that's what people were saying about the little blue-eyed girl on their doorstep, you can imagine how much nastier the things they said about our religion were. I would get so fired up inside I could hardly stand it. Just for the record, I would not have lasted a single day in the mission field if I didn't know exactly what I was doing here. If I wasn't 100% sure with every fiber of my being that this message is true and will bless the lives of all who will listen.
But anyway, my point is, this week was TOUGH. And let's be real, this whole transfer has been a hot mess for me. Admitting to myself that this week was rough felt like letting out a big breath I didn't know I was holding. Just a few hours later, we found Paulina. We knocked on her door and she immediately invited us in and gave us juice boxes. She told us how much she cares about her husband and newborn baby and how she wants their family to be strong. We read the Family a Proclamation to the World with her and all three of us cried💀. She said us knocking on her door was as if God had knocked on her door, answering her prayers. We already have a Family night planned with her and her husband, and another outing planned after that, and she's dead set on coming to church on Sunday. Please pray for Paulina, finding her was a big miracle for us.
Anyway, what's your favorite name of Christ, and why?
One of mine is "Adonai," which means "the God who sees me." Sometimes I just need to feel seen.
🪂Hermana Beck
