Kloe Goes to College, and an Anxiety Update...

Before I share all the things about getting Kloe settled at college, in case any one was curious and wanting a “Kloe’s Anxiety” update, here it is...

Since around February I have been in the most control over my anxiety than I have ever been in my entire life. I think for a while, people misunderstood this as me not having anxiety anymore. Which trust me, I WISH 😂. I still have anxiety :/ . I still have panic attacks and anxiety attacks here and there, but they aren’t what they used to be. And that’s not because i’m just lucky. It’s because I've been working so so hard on it. For the past 7 years i have worked on coping mechanism after coping mechanism. I have trained my brain to turn to helpful thoughts and positive thoughts rather than letting things get out of control. It’s something I still have to work on every day but I noticed that since around February of this year, it has been significantly easier for me. And I know it’s because I've put in the work, and also because I've been putting a lot of things in the Lords hands and trusting Him with it. Mostly it’s important to me for people to know this because I want others to know that if you’re struggling with a mental illness, to keep working on it. It’s discouraging at times and it’s easy to tell yourself it’ll never get better but that's just not true. It CAN get better and it WILL if you keep trying your hardest and rely on God. 

Something that i would encourage people with anxiety (or any mental illness) to do is to DO THE THING THAT YOU THINK YOU CANT DO. For example, for me, there was a time where I and others made me think I wouldn’t be able to drive; that I'd be too scared/anxious. But i did it anyways. I thought that even though I loved camping and backpacking that I would never be able to do it much because “I’d get too anxious out there,” but I just decided to start and try it and now it’s one of my favorite things ever. I didn’t think I could live 3 hours from my parents, but more specifically my mom who always stayed up with me when I had anxiety attacks. But I’m doing that right now too! And even the little things that you don’t think you can do or don’t want to do. You HAVE to do them. You have to show your anxiety who’s boss 😎😉 

This shows your brain that you can do anything despite what your anxiety is telling you. 

People love to try and tell me that my anxiety was just something that every teenager has or it was hormonal or whatever the heck they think. But I know and the people who are important know how real it is, and how personal it is and will be for the rest of my life. And I know how big of a deal it is that I've (for the most part) overcome such a huge thing. 

I don’t do this often but I’m gonna say it. 

I am so proud of myself. 

I am so so proud of everything I have faced and overcome these past 7 years of lots of anxiety. I have gained so much from this stupid thing, hahaha. I am so compassionate towards everyone. I am empathetic and understanding of people. I feel things very deeply. I am strong. I am persistent. I am not discouraged easily by failures. I am all of these things because of my anxiety. So there’s my update, I’m doing well. I still have anxiety and I still have hard days and nights and that’s okay! I’m in control! Right now I am becoming exactly who I want to become and I’m here at SUU, which I've been dreaming about for the past year. Everything I've ever wanted is happening to me right now and I am so so grateful to my Heavenly Father for making it happen. 

There was a period of my life where I thought I’d never feel what it was like to live in peace and not feel anxious all the time. 

I’m glad that isn’t true :) 

We left St George Tuesday morning (the 8th) for Cedar City around 9am.

It was the day of the crazy Utah windstorm and poor Emmy was driving the bus and praying to get through every mile.  It was swaying like crazy, and it was her first time driving such a big vehicle.

Kevin was too concussed to drive and I was driving with Kloe in our other car, packed with Kloe's things.

We found her apartment online several months ago and this was the first time we'd seen inside.

It is so cute!

She has three roommates, two bathrooms and a kitchen.  

The 16 tenants in the complex share a common living room space.

The mom and the sisters moved all her stuff in, while the dad went nuts watching.

He would have much rather been unloading boxes and putting furniture together.



Goodbye's are the worst.

And there's not much "good" about them.



Lilly has always been Kloe's mini-me.

She cried when she hugged Kloe.



This officially concluded the summer of Kloe.

She and her dad have been attached at the hip.

He cried too.



And the mom was just glad she didn't have to say goodbye, yet.



Emmy drove Kevin and the girls home.

It was a rough ride and all the stimulation was definitely a set-back for Kevin.

And it didn't help that they came home to this...

Our "boat garage" is usually tied to the boat, it doesn't do well in the wind.

So when the wind storm hit last week, it flew into our neighbors yard.

They were so great to secure it until we could get home and take it down.



Kloe and I had such a fun week together!

We made a total of four trips to Walmart.



We went for Thai food (which I now love, thanks to me deciding to love plants) and Cafe Rio.

Took care of stuff on campus.

Had two movie nights in my hotel room.



One day while Kloe was in class I went back to St George to hang out with my cousin-sister Erica and visit with Grandpa, Aunt Jill and Craig one more time.



Thursday night we both started getting the sads :(

We made one last Walmart run.

Picked up our favorite pizza at The Pizza Cart.

And had a Julia Roberts movie marathon with Blizzards.

At about 10pm we decided to have a sleepover.

Early the next morning we hugged it out, I dropped her back at her apartment, said the final goodbye and I headed for home.

I think I cried the first hour and a half of the drive.

This kid was probably the hardest for me to leave.

It has been quite the journey to get her here, and even though I knew she was ready, it was still hard for me to think about not being there when she has an anxiety attack in the middle of the night.

She always knew she could come get me, and I'd help her through it.

I've always been her go-to person.

But part of the tears came from an assurance that the Lord will take care of her, and she's got Angels looking out for her too.

I was home by noon.

Both Kevin and I were emotional all day.

Around dinner time we got this message from her...

I am so grateful that the Lord has been in the details of our girl's life and for the assurances he give us that everything will be just fine.