Triggers

Today this was the trigger...

If you aren't familiar with a grief trigger, it's basically anything that brings up memories related to a loss.

Sometimes you can anticipate them.

Sometimes they hit you out of nowhere.

I would say I probably encounter a "Baby Kevin" trigger on average about once a week, they are usually small and I just get a little emotional.

Today it was this ultrasound machine.

I went in for my stress echo test and when I looked over at the machine I had a flood of feelings hit me.  I was taken right back to the many ultrasounds I had with Baby Kevin.  Before every appointment I had high hopes that we'd see some improvement, but that was never the case.

I worked through my emotions pretty quick but as soon as the radiologist started doing the ultrasound on my heart it hit me again.  A double whammy.  Baby Kevin's heart was always one of the main focuses of the ultrasounds.  That tiny little heart always sounded so strong but had so many problems.

By the time the ultrasound was finished and the lights were turned on I'd PIT (Pulled it Together :).  I KIT (Kept it Together) during the rest of the appointment and rocked the treadmill part of the test.  There was a nurse, a radiologist, and an intern, all praising me for my walking/jogging skills.  I thanked them and told them I never got that kind of praise at the gym :).

Lilly:  Mom when you drink hot chocolate does hair grow at the bottom of your back?

Mom:  Who told you that?

Lilly:  Dad

(the Dad is a hot chocolate hater)