A Troubled Heart

Thanks to my Aunt Jill who had this cute sign made for me

Tomorrow we meet with a neonatal specialist at University Hospital. Ever since my appointment with Dr Byrne two weeks ago (where we discussed little Kevin's birth plan in more detail) I have felt so uneasy. So concerned that we make the right decisions. I worry that the Dr will see him, and from the way his face looks, tell us he has Trisomy 13, so we don't make any life saving efforts, but then later find out from blood tests that he didn't have Trisomy 13 and we should have done more. I have mentioned that with every ultrasound they haven't been able to get a good look at his face (trisomy 13 babies have very prominent facial features, and often deformities that set them apart from other babies). I hold out hope that those features won't be present, that whatever is going on inside his little body isn't fatal, isn't Trisomy 13, despite knowing that so many things they do see in the ultrasounds say otherwise.

As we sang "I Know that My Redeemer Lives" in church Sunday the part that says, "He lives to calm my troubled heart" stood out to me. I hadn't been able to put my finger on what I'd been feeling but that verse explains it, my heart has been troubled in going over how to proceed once Kevin is born. And really, the Savior is the only one who can calm my heart, bring me peace, and "fix" everything if not in this life, He will in the next.