Thursday, May 11, 2017

Happy 5th Birthday to Our Boy

Baby Kevin's Birthday began yesterday with opening this gift from Jackson and Aubrey...

Aubrey had her friend Kristen draw it and she did a beautiful job.  I love all it represents.
Aubrey and Jax also wrote Kevin and I letters.
With Aubrey and Jackson's permission I'm going to record Aubrey's letter below.  It shares Jackson's perspective (written at the time of his 1st birthday) the day Baby Kevin was born.

Did you know that Rummi always reminds me of Kevin Jr.?  It was Jackson's idea to start playing when you were pregnant with Baby Kevin.  He knew it was your favorite game and wanted to do something to make you happy.  Although I was not officially part of the family, I am so grateful to have been close to your family during the events surrounding his life.  Jackson was serving his mission on Kevin Jr's first birthday.  I wanted to share some excerpts from our letters.
I wrote: "The tenth of May is fast approaching.  I remember I spent the evening with you after Baby Kevin had made both is entrance and exit.  I remember you told me that you never want to forget him, never want to forget the influence he had on your family.  And so I hope that you will take some time to remember.  Write it down and send it my way, if you need.
Jackson responded:  "I'm glad you asked about Baby Kevin.  I thought about him a lot Friday, but it will be nice to write it down.  Here is what I remember from that day:  I got a phone call after my last class to come to the hospital.  I had to miss a baseball game but I wasn't too worried about it.  Both my grandpas got there just after me and we were in a little rush to give him a name and a blessing because we didn't know how long he would live.  So we circled up and right as my dad was about to start he broke down.  It was the first time I'd ever seen him cry.  Then grandpa Dave gave him a hug and started crying too.  Hadn't seen him cry either.  Then everyone was crying for a short moment, but then we got it together and blessed him.  Then we just took our turns holding him.  He was alive, but you could barely tell.  He would just gasp for air every few minutes.  It broke your heart.  He died shortly later before any of the rest of the family came.  I don't remember much of the rest of the day other than sitting in the waiting room with everyone while the grandparents had a few minutes of alone time with him and my mom.  I remember going to your house and going on a walk.  And very long hugs.
I remember not knowing how to feel.  I knew that he was saved and it was not a bad thing at all, but it didn't feel right not to be sad.  I still don't know how sad to be.  I don't really know how to feel at all.  I felt bad for my mom and dad.  I was disappointed to not have another brother.  I guess we are the only ones I can be sad for because he has his ticket to heaven.  I suppose us being without him is the sad part.  Which is selfish.
Then I remember being really nervous to dedicate the grave.  Then when I did it I cried through the whole thing, my body went numb, and I don't remember a single thing I said.  It was long though.  I struggle with speaking by the Spirit when I give blessings, but I definitely didn't then.  It was like the lights went off for me and the Spirit just used me as a mouth piece.
And now here we are today, having pizza and ice cream on the 10th of every month.  I still have to fight the urge to want to feel sad about it.  There is nothing to be sad about.  I have an angel working for me on the other side."

We still celebrate with pizza and ice cream on the 10th of every month and last night was no different.  Estabon had to be to work by 6:45 so he met us at Wasatch Pizza for a couple of slices to go.
Thanks to everyone who reached out to us yesterday to wish Baby Kevin a Happy Birthday.  One of the many blessings from our Baby Kevin has been witnessing the pure love of Christ through the love and support of others.  I think Emmy spoke for all of us when she shared this on instagram yesterday...

Happy Birthday to my little brother in heaven!  I keep this picture in my scriptures as a reminder of my anchor in heaven.  Five years ago today was one of sorrow and grief.  But today, instead of mourning, we celebrate.  Because of Jesus Christ and His Atonement, I will get to see my little brother again.  In honor of him I took my own family names to the temple and had pizza and ice cream.  Today is a good day.  Jesus Christ lives.  Families are forever.  The church is true.  God is good.