Monday, January 09, 2012

A Hard Day

Our appointment was at 11:30 this morning. I kept busy with the girls and housework and felt very calm throughout the morning. After dropping the girls off at my mom's I picked up Kevin from school and we headed to the Dr's office. We saw an ultrasound technician first. She did a thorough scan and her findings weren't good. She not only confirmed the problem in the heart and brain but she could see the baby's little face. He has a bilateral cleft palate. When she finished, the doctor reviewed the technician's notes and then she did another careful scan. When she saw all she needed to she began to explain in more detail what was going on with our little guy. She showed us two areas of the brain that were much bigger than they should have been. She also explained that in addition to bilateral calcification of the heart there were additional parts of the heart that didn't look at all right. Those things combined with the cleft palate all point toward Trisomy 13 or Trisomy 18. Trisomy 21 is Down Syndrome and that would have been so much better than the other two. I went into this appointment knowing things were wrong but this news was so much worse than anything I could have anticipated. We are waiting for blood work to come back that would confirm one of these chromosomal defects but the Dr said even if the tests came back negative the findings in the brain point toward severe mental retardation. Given all this little guy has working against him it is a miracle he has survived 20 weeks gestation. Most of these babies, if they are born alive only live a few hours.

I debated on how much of this to blog about. There is a spiritual part of my life that I tend to keep more private but in thinking about the many family members and friends that live far away, as well as those near by, and given all that lies ahead of us from here out, I decided to keep everyone updated via our blog. I have kept a pretty good record of our family happenings over the past few years on this blog and I'm sure I'll look back and be glad to have this experience recorded as well.

I have never in my life had such an emotional roller coaster of a day. It seems so strange that this little guy has so many problems when the pregnancy feels so normal. I feel him move all the time now, he's very active just like all my other babies. Even with his heart problems his heartbeat is strong. Aside from his little face, his body looks normal and he's exactly the size he should be. I don't know where things will go from here. I am such a planner, yet I have no idea how to plan for how this pregnancy is going to play out. I think the only thing I can do is continue to put my trust in God and His plan for me, our family and this baby. I will also try to enjoy every day he has life inside me.

It's funny how in one afternoon so much can change. I look at my 7 healthy beautiful kids a little different than I have before. I am so grateful to have them to take care of and to keep me busy. Also, I appreciate the sweet emails and text messages I've received today as well as all the prayers. We are surrounded by wonderful friends and family and we appreciate and love you all.